Pimp My Artwork 058: The Hanged Man

At the time I was plotting The Tower an idea was formulating, a little spark was tapping me on the head and whispering into my ear.  "How about Neil for the Hanged Man?" Sxip, my Magician of course heard the call of the tarot and sent me a message. 

When I told him I was thinking of Neil as The Hanged Man he said, "You always make such interesting choices. They all make absolute sense but they are not typical." We discussed The Hanged Man and it's many meanings.  For him it is about "Letting yourself absolutely accept the wisdom to come, even it hard information. It's about giving yourself to the reality of a situation to learn from it. It's about humbling oneself for the sake of knowledge."

I remember the first time I read American God's and feeling like Neil really got Odin, Loki, and the rest of the God's he wrote about.  He may not be spiritually connected to them but he understood them by tapping into a part of his brain that was or at least the archetypes. Part of The Hanged Man's meaning is Odin's sacrifice of himself for knowledge on the World Tree.  For nine days he hung, no food or water, wounded by a spear.  On the ninth day he looked down, saw runes that had fallen from the tree and understood them.  He came down from the tree and picked them up for his own.  Any knowledge needed can be found in these runes.

A few days ago I started another 40 days.  This time instead of going mad, I decided to focus solely on the tarot, it's insights, and paint the cards of the major arcana. Sxip once noticed that I lived each card as I painted them.  This one was no different.  I started the sketch on Sunday and began to work on the card, struggling a bit in the midst of thoughts and procrastination.  For the past few weeks I had gone inward and was seeing the most beautiful aspects of love, life, work, and the muses.  Day 4, the day I finished the card would be my eye opener. When you are in the midst of spiritual bliss nothing seems important, you're open, the past doesn't matter, you're here, it's now, money is just metal and the heart wants to be full.  And then you come down, back into the mundane world, back into reality. 

The night before someone I once cared about very deeply turned their back on me. It was someone that inspired a lot of the deck and it saddened me to see it end this way.  I carried it with me the next morning when once again I awoke to more news about another person, not news that I was necessarily shocked by, but news I wasn't quite ready to hear.  And so began my spiral into reality and delusion. They are quite connected you know.

I cried.  I pushed people away.  I didn't want to connect.  I buried myself in work so I didn't have to think.  I thought about other aspects of this card. "The Traitor." Was this man a traitor? Years ago they would hang them upside down by one foot as punishment. I instantaneously pushed that thought aside looking at Neil's face.  The card I painted was not a traitor and I wasn't sure that my former lover was either.  Only that he had to protect himself and that he thought of me as a temptation.  I was in limbo. I had forgotten The Hanged Man was not about life or death but suspension until the time is right, sacrificing of old ways to let new ones in, and uncovering the reality so that acceptance can happen. Something had just ended but what was to take it's place had not begun yet.  It was in the works and for now I must wait.

I took this photo of what it felt like, kind of like being in a fairytale and not quite knowing who to trust even though you know the ending.

Neptune is the ruler of this card. Neptune is spirituality, dreams and psychic abilities.  The Hanged Man has allowed himself to be taken over by all of these things, in order to receive his insight. He waits with open arms to be born into consciousness and receive the information that is to come.  He knows the knowledge will take him to where he needs to be and by sacrificing himself he will gain much more than ever expected, but sacrifice hurts and in order to receive we must let go.

This is a time when emotions run high, when insights are deep, and you dangle in the realm of fairytale.  It is  also card that suggest at this time being a little daring, trying new things, and letting go a little.  These are moments that won't last forever but they are moments worth listening to.

And of course a huge thank you as always to Jim Shirey who has allowed me to use his gorgeous photos.  The background on these two is straight from Jim himself.

The partridge berry blossoms come two to an ovary. thus, the two small ones are connected to a single berry and leave a double seed scar. They ripen in the winter into a small red berry the size of a small pea. The rattlesnake plantain is named after the appearance of its leaves, which resemble a snake skin. The flower spike produces a profusion to tiny flowers about 1/8 inch across. when i took this shot I was competing with a bumble bee who had her next under one of the leaves. She was very patient at first, but became quite cross when I wanted to do a re-shoot. She zapped me on the arm. Just a bit to let me know my time was up.

Pimp My Artwork 056: The Tower

The Tower remains one of my favorite cards in the tarot. Often when I'm doing a reading the Tower will come up and their eyes widen.  The Tower you see isn't a bad card, it's an eye opening one.  Many times in our lives we hold onto a situation that isn't healthy for us because we've created or been fed a lie.  In those moments everything comes crashing down when we realize this has happened.  It can be extremely painful BUT on the other hand we are left with truth on which to rebuild on.  

When the card started to tap at my forehead, I thought, the only person that could relay the real message of this card is Amanda Palmer.  Sxip called me later that day and asked if I had thought about putting Neil and Amanda into the deck.  "I have." I replied, "But I need an introduction, I've only spoken to them briefly at parties." And so the Magician raised his wand and an introduction was made. 

I chose Amanda because of her ability to see through bullshit and tear down her own personal towers.  I thought about her struggle with the record company and from that rising above and into a better path. I thought about Neil's piece on Amanda and the Dresden Dolls show, how an amazing musical and sometimes physical relationship must crack, must fall in order for something else to emerge.  I knew other people would identify with her story and finally understand the actual meaning of the card.  The Tower brings immense clarity. 

On the Fool's journey he  tore down his resistance to change and sacrifice (Hanged man), then came to terms with Death (Death); he learned about moderation and synthesis (Temperance) and about power (The Devil). But here and now, he has done what was hardest: he destroyed the lies of his life. What's left are the foundations of truth. On this he can rebuild himself.

I started the Tower during my 40 days of madness, where I channeled the muses no matter how they came or who they came as.  This was all part of a bigger Project 40. I started off creating elaborate images and long stories, as the days became longer I began struggle.  Day 20, the halfway point I broke.  You see, I had gotten on a high horse.  Everyone was writing to tell me how brilliant this project was going.  I started to think I could do no wrong with imagery.  Days 17-20 were rough.  I had created images that were sub par to the ones before.  I was, am, and will always be a perfectionist.  I looked at these terrible images ruining my beautiful blog and cried.  I mean cried, deeply with sobs and filled with anger.  I thought about quitting the entire project. 

In my hissy fit I opened one eye to a kitten rubbing against me.  "Was I really crying over an image? Had I built everything up so much that I thought one wrong picture was going to bring my entire project down? Was I really that vain?"

This was not my Tower moment but it lead to the Tower card.  I needed to paint.  I had been dealing with only words and photographic curves. I started to brush strokes and lost time.  It was around day 36 or 37.  I don't remember it at all which means I must have been painting.  Day 39 brough last minute rubble and by the time day forty had reared it's head, the Tower was covered in glaze and ready to be presented.  I finished it exactly as day forty hit noon.

Forty days symbolizes the death with oneself and the spiritual rebirth.  It corresponds to the Arcane 13 of the Tarot and  the thirteenth Hebraic letter, mem.  Jesus's fast in the desert lasted 40 days as did the time from which he died to the time he was resurrected.  Forty may not always mean "40" but rather a period of time.  The Hebrews wandered forty days in the desert, the flood of Noah lasted forty days as well.  According to R. Allendy "It is the achievement of a cycle in the world, or rather the rhythm of the cyclic repetitions in the Universe".  I could go on and on.

The Tower breaks down what is no longer of use, what holds us back, even if it's something that meant the goddamn world to us.  Let it in, let it break, and build on that truth.

As always flower photos by the wonderful and talented Jim Shirey who has the best stories to tell.

Impatiens capensis. A forest of them have grown up in the spot where we had our old strawberry bed. This one was low and I had to crouch for it and not move. Something took advantage of that and fed off my foot. while shooting, I heard seed pods popping, the last bumblebees making their rounds, and a few hummingbirds. This one is gentle and reminds me of an adult about to help a child cross through a place that holds danger. - Jim Shirey

Hypericum.  This is a St.john's wort, but it is the deciduous variety. St Johns Wort is a symbol of invincibility, courage, power and fertility. Welsh called this plant the "leaf of the blessed" It was considered to be an ideal combination of water and fire, the ultimate healing essence.

Pimp My Artwork 052: The Making of the Deck

Sitting next to me there is a 14 x 17 " piece of paper with names scribbled all over it.  Next to that a leather bound 3 x 5" with a list of cards, check marks and names associated with those cards.  Some are scribbled out three or four times, some remain blank, some were lucky enough to only have one name jotted into the allotted slot.  These is the rough plan for the tarot deck.  My tiny windswept village filled with artists of all kinds. 

When Sherene and I first decided to create the deck our plan was simple.  I would paint the cards and she would write the meanings.  As the deck started to take shape, we realized that simple plan was not going to work.  The deck wanted more from us.  She would still write the traditional and Jungian aspects but also her own personal tale of each card.  I would still paint but I'd also write about the experience of making the tarot.  I'd add my own stories about the cards, making them easier to understand through my own experiences.  I'd write how a card takes shape and how sometimes it's a disaster until you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and listen to what it really wants from you.  Sometimes that can be really painful.

I recently had to mark a number of people off the list.  These were people I really wanted in the deck but the deck had other plans.  There's a certain energy to it and like any small village, some people fit and some people don't.  This doesn't mean I don't love those people any less.  It just means, now isn't the time.

The process of making your own deck is both incredible and gut wrenching.  There are some cards that are easy to paint.  You know the person and you love them dearly, so you paint and you focus, and you fall in love.  And then there are other's like the three of swords, the ten of swords, and the five of coins that were hard lessons but you pulled through, even if it took years to get it that way. One of my favorite cards in the world is the Tower.  I haven't painted it quite yet but as I type the card forms slowly in my head.  The Tower is that moment, when the lies you've believed as truth are suddenly shown to you in all their ugliness.  Sometimes we fool ourselves into believing them, sometimes we are fooled.  Recently I have learned how much I appreciate the Tower and all of the knowledge it brings.  No one should ever be afraid of the Tower, they should embrace it.  It's a hard lesson, that card but a necessary one and it leaves you with a foundation of truth to build upon.

About three or four cards into the deck I started working with Jim Shirey.  Jim takes amazing photos of plants, some as tiny as your pinky nail.  He has an incredible and deep relationship with the land, sometimes wandering about only catching a glimpse of a color.  That glimpse usually turns out to be a magnificent capture on camera.  There is something incredibly magical about being able to see a flower that you would probably pass right by up close.  This partnership has also created a whole new dimension to the tarot.  Each plant I have chosen for the cards corresponds to the meaning of the card in a certain way.  For instance the lobelia spicata seen in the Ace of Wands consists of a central taproot, from which occasional basal offshoots are produced. The offshoots then germinate, although self-compatible, a flower is unable to offer pollen to itself and it must be pollinated by insects. This shows the querant that no matter how great an idea or partnership is, it must have help from the outside to truly blossom. The plant is also connected to Venus, the planet of love, beauty, creativity, and the arts.

And so as this deck moves along in it's process I continue to live each card as I paint it.  Thank you so much for journeying with me.

Pimp My Artwork 051: The High Priestess

The day I met Baby Dee I was feeling rather shy.  I had just had drinks with an ex boyfriend and running very very late.  I slipped into the show and found my seat.  Sxip had mentioned I should see her live to get her full presence. Luckily she had only just started.  I sipped white wine and immediately fell in love. Sxip waved from across the room.

A few weeks earlier Sxip had suggested her for the deck.  I usually don't paint people I don't know unless it's for an illustration job but this felt right. Also I knew somewhere down the line I would end up meeting her.  A few weeks later a rather shy and tipsy Katelan did.

In order to really experience Dee, you have to see her live.  There's something incredibly magical that happens when she sets foot on the stage.  It's kind of like having someone come in and take you by the hand, reach into your chest, and take all the stitches out of your heart.  Then take the rubber bands and tape and staples out, pour a little honey on it, and hand it back to you saying.  "You know they heal themselves if you just let them."  She's filled with deep knowledge and experience.  She's someone who has lived and will keep living with love and compassion in her heart even when life is bittersweet. She was and is the High Priestess.  By sharing her music, she brings you to self awareness.

We ended up going to the Anyway Cafe after the show. Now not many people know this but the Anyway Cafe is the place that made me rediscover my love for NYC.  Years ago I would stop in for breakfast sipping coffee and writing in my journals.  I told this to Dee as I was now coming out of my shyness.  "Oh we must have missed each other." She said. "I was here every night." And she began to tell tales of her time in New York City.

The High Priestess tells us to take a moment when making decisions.  We all have choices.  It's about holding back on acting on that until you have received all the information.  This involves going within, acknowledging the sacred and profane.  She wants you to gain knowledge through experience, through the spiritual, the physical, the secret, and the self.  This will not always be happy.  Life does not always provide you with a clear path.  She is the guide that teaches us about intuition, mediumship, psychic powers, and secret knowledge. Where the Magician reveals to us what tools we have, the High Priestess keeps things hidden behind the veil. the Magician tells us to verbalize our thoughts, the High Priestess urges us to silently reflect on feelings and focus on intuition.

She is the complementary card to the Magician, Hierophant, and the Hermit. She is the partner to the Hierophant, together they preserve secret knowledge and traditions passed from teacher of the oracle to beneficiary. She is also the natural moonlight to the Hermit's manmade lantern.

The Monotropia Uniflora is courtesy of Jim Shirey.  From the first time I saw this plant I knew we were kindred spirits.  "This is your flower." Sxip wrote sending me images his father had taken.  And it was. Monotropia Uniflora is called "Indian Pipe" or "Ghost Flower".  Sxip sent me a little something on them. "Indian Pipe lives at the connection of the vast fungal network (that looks like a neural network in the soil in the woods and the roots of trees. (Paul Stamets an amazing scientist I met at TED believes the forest is thinking) No chloroform. Ghosts. They live at the node of communication and draw nutrients from there. My father believes they
will discover they regulate how chemical information passes between the fungal brain and the trees."

Jim on Monotropia Uniflora:

"I kept going back over and over to find the "perfect" flower. of course, they are all perfect and I know it, so I am really just looking for the one that seems perfect on at that moment. it's a bit like going in to a crowd of people and someone just catches your eye and you start up a conversation. Except that this conversation takes you into another world. and this particular flower was pink and lit by the sunlight. I took this shot after the light passed and I'd calmed down."

Pimp My Artwork 050: The Emperor

When I first spoke to Warren about the deck in London last year I still didn't know the direction of the deck.  I just knew I wanted him in it.  I even knew what card.  He gave me a look.  "Which card do you see me as?"

"The Emperor." I told him.

"I can live with that." He said. 

And so the deal was made and I left England happy.

Now it took a while for the tarot to actually take shape.  Warren let me guest post on his blog a while back to give the back story.  You can find it here.  Basically the deck to shape in the time it needed to. 

A few days ago my aunt passed away.  This aunt was incredibly special.  Warren  messaged me that morning.  He was the first to message me actually.  I walked around my neighborhood for a while and settled back into the house knowing I'd be fairly useless.  About five minutes into my uselessness, I decided to paint.  But the painting couldn't be just anything, it had to be something or someone special.  "I just want to paint someone I really care about." I told my mom.

I pulled up my reference and started to paint.  Now the original idea for the card was something Warren would have killed me for I'm sure.  The layout was nice, it contained pretty purple flowers and a ram but as I started to paint it felt wrong, so I left it for 10 minutes and tried again.  Still it didn't work.  So I did what any artist would do when stuck on apiece that just isn't right.  I ripped it into tiny pieces and threw it out the window. 

I tried again, this time using a different picture for reference.  One I wasn't attached to.  This is the key in painting people you know.  Sometimes you fall in love with an image, and the image is so wonderful and beautiful that you can't capture it again, even if it is a different medium.  I tried a different angle and there before me the image started to come to life.  I painted furiously, remembering wonderful conversations Warren and I had, had over the years, and being so grateful to have him in my life as he helped me through, terrible breakups, book troubles, and so much more.  By the time I had finished I had created what I thought was a masterpiece. It was time to glaze.

The first coat of glaze went on smoothly, it dried fast and perfect, or so I thought.  Funny thing happens when you have a terrible rainstorm and you leave all your doors and windows open.  The place gets damp and even though your paint feels dry, it's actually still wet.  I put on the next coat of glaze and watched in horror as the face I had so lovingly painted melted before my eyes.  It was 3:35 a.m. and I was in tears.

Now of course I blamed Warren for this, as he once said he'd curse me.  For what? I don't remember but he did and that very same day I got my heel stuck in my fishnets and toppled over the couch.  The man is very talented with his internet cursing.  So I shook my fist at the computer knowing he was sleeping soundly while his evil curses did their trickery.  And I tried to fix it.  No matter what I did it wouldn't work.  So I left it alone.

Today I got the urge to finish the painting.  I was done being frustrated and in a relatively good headspace.  I quickly painted Warren's face onto a fresh piece of paper covering the mess that was there while waiting for my apprentice.  As I was doing so, there was that familiar crack of thunder and the downpour began.  This time tiny ice bullets pelted down onto the tin roof in the backyard.  I finished and added the first coat of glaze praying it would dry right.  I scanned it in and waited.  The second coat is drying this second.  The edges are taped and all is good in the world right now, my world at least. 

So thank you Warren, from the bottom of my sewn tattered little heart.  Thank you.

Jim Shirey's photograph of the Lily of the Valley are much lovelier than any I can paint.  I used Lily of the Valley in this piece as they symbolize the return of happiness.  Quite fitting for an emperor don't you think?