Knickerbocker Circus 019: A Bit On Blood & Pudding

I found myself travelling back to MA on Holly's birthday.  Anniversaries and birthdays, Thanksgiving marked 10 years for her.  My Mom and I sit in the car, "She would have been 34." Brian was a Christmas baby, he would have been 33.  Within the last few weeks I have been receiving many beautiful letters about Blood & Pudding. The book has sold almost entirely off of word of mouth which just sort of baffles my mind but also touches me deeply.  I received this email from someone I very much admire a few weeks ago.  Thank you to everyone for your continued support.

So I've been reading blood and pudding, just so enveloped. It's something i am parceling out. I am tempted to race through it, and I could. but I want to make it last. I want to have more to come back to, so I can have it when I feel like I might need it.  Snarky writer part of me says there are scads of lines I'd love to steal. But real me says there are so many lines I thoroughly feel attached to -- at the hip, head or wherever. Thoughts that I've had but havent always made concrete.  Thanks for putting this into words. 

I created these two journal pieces for Eight Cuts Gallery.  Click either of the images to be taken to the exhibit.

Holly and I used to quote the beginning of Trainspotting every time we'd go on a road trip.  I used to call Brian my "Sick Boy".  Seems appropriate I end this entry with just that.

Dreams Are Real 023: The Next Chapter

This Saturday will be the last time I read from my memoir, Blood and Pudding publicly unless in conjunction with the Needle Exchange. Jess Tilley, the Overdose Prevention Coordinator and I will be working hand in hand on getting the Needle Exchange into the public eye, and informing people of the benefits of having a harm reduction center in their area.

This is a decision I made recently.  When the book came out in August I was eager to tell Holly and Brian's stories.  I felt like I owed them that.  They had enriched my life so much and I missed them so dearly that it consumed me.  They were my muses and I was okay with it.  But as time went on that feeling began to shift.  It started with a conversation I had with Chelsea G. Summers.  She was editing my piece for Red Umbrella Diaries.  I had been having trouble vocalizing what exactly I was trying to say and needed an outside opinion.  Not only did she do a bang up job editing it, she also gave me some sage advice.  What started out as constructive criticism turned into an epiphany.  Chelsea simply explained to me that I write about the past almost entirely and rarely about the present.  I talk in code and while it can be intriguing to have a little mystery in writing, too much just adds up to gaps and questions.  It was true.  I was still acting as if this was a secret journal that someone was going to break into and read.  I was still completely guarded and not ready to let go of the past, which was why it was so hard to talk about the present.  This scared me.  While it's nice to reminisce, you can't live with ghosts and say it's the future. I needed to move on.

The picture above was taken two years ago during a period where my world with Brian and my relationship with the drummer were colliding.  The drummer was dealing with the death of his fiancée, and I was forced to deal with Brian's death again.  I fell in love with the drummer while he mourned her. The picture was taken in the midst of that.  I wore the dress when Brian and I took the car ride that could have killed us, and I wore it again while I fell deeply for a man that couldn't love me back.  I harbored a lot of resentment for the drummer, and even more so for myself, for letting the situation happen.  But there were a lot of losses that happened between us, to us. We were brought together by death and in the end divided by it as well.  In the long-run I'm really not sure we could have made it anyway. 

I recently wore the dress and vintage looking lace shawl to a networking party in the city.  Under the shadow of the dim lighted bar, I told Travis the story of the dress. We sat down on the velveteen seats and talked about our work and where it was going.  "I've been inspired by Cynthia von Buhler's idea to take a year off to create an entire new body of work.  My life is changing once again.  It's becoming more of what I envisioned for myself."  Our work as artists changes with us.  Sometimes the style changes and sometimes the content shifts where our style stays the same.  We go through phases and shifts.  Our muses change over the years. Some things taken on different meanings as time passes.  The dress used to symbolize my past with Brian, then it shifted into a darker more magical time, where the aphotic essence of the drummer, fired up my passion and played muse to my creativity.  And now it's propelled into a new role.  A role of decadence, and winter parties, boas, and absinthe.  It's a symbol of bohemia at it's best, nights making magic, tarot readings, writing, photography, and painting.  It represents becoming exactly who and what you want to be.

Last Saturday in the dressing room of The Red Lotus Room, Amber and I discussed the edelweiss flower as we dressed for Dr. Sketchy's.  The edelweiss symbolizes courage and noble purity in Austria. If someone were to give you a edelweiss as a gift, he risked a lot to show you his affection.  The edelweiss grows sparsely at the top of mountains and is illegal to pick. I see it as a symbol of being a self-made through hard work.

Killin' It 047: Fireside Follies

Lineup includes:
Matt Gross (NY Times Frugal Traveler)
Andy Smith (Welcome to the Land of Cannibalistic Horses)
Jonny Diamond (Editor-in-Chief for The L Magazine)
Katelan Foisy (Blood & Pudding)
Brandon Lake (poet extraordinaire from South Philly)
SPECIAL GUEST: Elizabeth Devlin, performing from new 7-inch “Ladybug” and debuting a new music video.

December 18
7:00pm-8:30
Brooklyn Fire Proof
119 Ingraham Street (@ Porter)
Brooklyn, NY
L train to Morgan

Crosses Palm With Silver 022: Gabby Young Posters & Etsy

My poster for Gabby Young and Other Animals is now online for purchase. Pick one up for just £20.  There's only a few left so get them while they are still here.  Click the image to purchase.

And there is a bit of a sale going on on my etsy store. Click the header and check out the store.

My book Blood and Pudding is available through the Knickerbocker Circus website.  If you would like a signed copy pop me an email.

En Gypsy Couture 015: My Vintage Life

Blood and Pudding was started on a vintage typewriter.  The sound of tap, clack echoed throughout the house until my parents finally got a word processor, thus helping with the night disturbances.  I get nostalgic  for the writers who produced pages upon pages on their trusty machines, sometimes with only bourbon and cigarettes for company. 

A few nights ago Bella and I watched snippets of Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, where he sat at his typewriter, (it was 2005) listening to Candle in the Wind on repeat.  With a sly smile, he banged out a few sentences, every once in a while taking a drink of Wild Turkey on the rocks. We set the computer on repeat and listened to the same song while discussing upcoming photo shoots and sliding our hands over grainy black and whites of Marilyn Monroe.  Sometimes you have to hit rewind in order to fast forward.  We agreed, that both of us had been born in the wrong time.  And so the night ended in a blur of conversations about the "American Dream", photographs, and art.

This morning I woke up to the sound of rain pouring.  It was going to be a slow day. I could feel it in my bones.  I made coffee, sliced up bread and slathered it with butter in jam.  I remembered France and instantly wanted to pore over every Jacque Prevert poem there was.  And yet, I headed back into the bedroom and put paint to paper.  I have deadlines you know.

Bella awoke a few hours later and the sounds of Frida could be heard from her room.  Frida Kahlo, my favorite painter in existence.  I couldn't help but poke my head in a few times and then run back to my bedroom where I could both paint and touch the pages of her journal.  And then I was torn, between Spanish and French, my two greatest loves, and by being torn, I have never mastered either.  But something was stirring again, that need, to paint, write, create, entertain, and live. 

What inspires me most is the past.  I love vintage culture.  My friend Gabby did an interview with Queens of Vintage, a site I love more than glitter (that's a lot).  In it she said:

I am a devotee of vintage for its history – I love the fact that every item has a story, a past that isn’t just born in a factory shipped to a shop! I feel the same about couture- there is always a tale to tell and it seems more personal. Nothing beats the feeling of a dress that feels like it was made to fit your body, especially if it was actually made for another in the Thirties, Forties and beyond!

I couldn't agree more, and this plays into my life in so many ways.  Although, I am always moving forward, I am inspired by the past.  My book was inspired by the past on many different levels as well as my art.  Blood and Pudding started on a typewriter, typewritten pages cut and glued gently into leather bound journal.  These were same journals that I wrote goals to travel to Europe and live as much as I could, like the "Beats" did.  I always wanted to be Kerouac.  We took polaroids, and had mini recorders on us at all times.  

Tonight I pulled out the typewriter and clacked out a few words in between running to the closet and pulling out my new vintage dress.  I bought it just the other day.  The moment I saw it, I knew it was mine, that it would fit me, and whoever owned it before, had my essence.  Sometimes you can just feel it.

Vintage Dress: $30 Goodwill