Meet Brian.  Brian was my fiance when I was nineteen.  We planned on moving to NYC together but it didn't work out that way.  We were keeping everything a secret, I moved, he moved, we fought, we didn't talk, we did talk, we worked things out and then he died suddenly.  My freshman year at college I did my first ink painting of him.  I wish I still had it. (Somehow I think it got ruined when the cellar decided to become a haven for mold.)  I collaged in all the letters we had written and did an ink wash over it.  I haven't painted him since.  It took me ten tries just to get his face right.  As I became increasingly frustrated and teary it dawned on me that I was still very much mourning.  I don't think you ever get over that kind of love and such a quick passing.  Every time I paint a portrait I fall in love with person for that duration of time.  It's unavoidable, you are staring at someone's face for hours trying to get what makes them, them.  With Brian it was his eyes.  I still haven't quite managed to capture it fully and frankly I'm working from blurry pictures and memory.  But here's my work in progress and screen shots of a conversation with my friend Jess, who may be the only person in the world who knew what was really going on or had an inkling.

I'm not to happy with the background so that will probably get changed soon but his face is coming along, slowly but surely.

Conversation: Other people commented in between so I cut and pasted Jess & mine together.

Goodnight & I love you all.